PING: Blackberry's Contribution to Communication in St. Lucia

PING!

It is becoming quite difficult to talk about the recent advances that the world has made in technology without mentioning the likes of email and instant messaging. It is even more difficult to talk about these two things without mentioning the innovative device that has pioneered these brilliant features over the last few years. The Blackberry is undoubtedly now the most popular phone in the Caribbean region despite the likes of the iPhone and miscellaneous devices running Google’s Android and Microsoft’s Windows software. Notice that I didn’t say it was the “best” phone and I hold no bitter taste in my mouth to admit that its two amazing features don’t compare to the plethora of services that its competition offers. However, when it comes to instant messaging, its BB messenger is undeniably the best there is and communication in St. Lucia has never been the same since its advent. The question is: has it changed it for the better or for the worse?

 Most BB users had positive things to say (go figure) when I approached them about the topic. “My BB makes communicating easier,” said Amanda, holding up her handset as if she were doing an advertisement for one of the local telecommunication companies. “You can talk to someone discreetly in a meeting without having to distract anyone.” Some random girl on facebook with a name too long to document added, “It feels like sending unlimited text messages all over the world without having to pay for each one,” and when I challenged her on the fee of data usage, she emphasized on the word 'feeeeeeeeeels'. Despite my open aversion to Blackberry and its BB Messenger, I had to admit that she had a great point; the data fee would be far cheaper than the price one would pay to send so many text messages to both local and foreign destinations per month. “But what about Whatsapp messenger?” I asked her. “Can it not do those same things?” “BB is more popular and therefore more effective,” she retorted. “Plus, it has the perfect emoticons to describe how you’re feeling and they’re much better than that stupid substitute called…what’s the name of the app again?” 

I instantly recalled a technical moment of embarrassment while trying to find the PING function on Whatsapp messenger and having to type it instead. This was getting even more interesting than I had bargained for. I originally perceived most Blackberry users to be mere sheep following whatever was deemed popular at the time but it seems like I had misjudged them. 

The next day, a gentleman in suit and tie, carrying the 'Torch' model of the phone responded to the question like he was a candidate on a cell phone debate: “The arrival and popularity of BBM has granted people access to each other in ways that they didn't have before. It’s not just a messenger it's like a more personalized version of facebook with status updates, picture and video sharing.” “And don’t forget about BB broadcasts,” cautioned another avid fan. “It’s the fastest way to spread a message whether it’s an ad, SOS, news bulletin or whatever. Don’t be a hater gassa. BB is d' baddest!” Hmmm... could this fool actually be right? Has this phone and app really enhanced the level of communication here on this island and the rest of the world?

“So what do you think sir,“ I asked.

“BBM is the devil!!!”

“Ok…not quite what I was looking for…moving right along. Thank you!”

Before BBM we had often heard the internet being criticized for encouraging its users to become somewhat anti-social. This happens to be an understatement compared to being at a family dinner table and realizing that everyone is on his and her Blackberry phone talking to other people. “ I hate it,” Mike said, “I always feel like I have to struggle with my girl just to get her to look at me whilst I talking. Sometimes I  does want to take the stupid phone and mash it up gassa.” Regrettably, Mike isn’t the only person who feels this way. The BB has elevated it’s way to one of the top five reasons for breaks ups or fights between couples everywhere, and though we all know intelligently that an electronic device is not what is to be blamed here, we cannot ignore the significance of its influence. “The worst thing for me,” said Mona, “was when I would spend how long messaging my friends for all of us to hang out and when we finally get together we barely speak to each other. Everyone’s checking their phone every two minutes, smiling and then messaging back. Choops!” Young children are also complaining that their parents are neglecting some of their parental responsibilities for the butterfly effect of getting a PING or viewing the frantic picture changing of their friends. 

Whilst most BB users can agree that relationships at home are important, many seem to be guilty of paying more attention to those relationships that are outside of the home via their phones.

 “I was driving the other day,” said Tony, “when I saw a young girl walk into a parked car on the side of the street.” He thought it was hilarious but I thought it was pretty stupid. Thank God for her it was only a parked vehicle but how many persons endanger their lives and the lives of others because they can’t resist the PING? How many reports of stolen phones in the middle of town would get some people to simply stop or wait till they get to their destination before trying to communicate via their phones? How many accidents would it take for drivers to message their friends and tell them, ‘I’m driving, can’t talk now’ or motivate them to purchase a hands free device for their vehicles? It’s a dangerous distraction whilst driving or walking, to be head down in a phone. Some have even put messaging whilst driving in the same category as drinking and driving, and considering the amount of countries that the practice has been made illegal, this can’t be far from the truth.

“And speaking of truth my brother, you know these BB broadcasts does have the most lies? You cah be quick to believe any ting you read on der man. Too many little boys crying wolf!” Those were the words of a an old BB user who had just made his way to the Android platform and seemed to be quite proud of it. 

What good is a medium of communication if it isn't a credible source? Is the price of these enhancements that we read earlier really worth the social damage that they’re causing to us? I am in no way suggesting dear reader that we dispense with the technology or the handset because more and more smartphones are being built with similar and eventually, better instant messaging characteristics that we all can benefit from. Whatsapp messenger is now perhaps more if not just as popular as BBM and has the ability to do almost everything that its major competitor can do.Thus the real issue here is what course of action can be taken to curb the negligence and irresponsible use of the device/app and others like it. 

“Send a BBM broadcast gassa!!

“Weren’t you listening to anything I just said?”

“Oh sorry, I was responding to a PING deh.”

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR”

Written by
Valentine Dantes

Called to be Glass by the Beach

Beach Glass

 There are two types of glass pieces: the ordinary one you find along the streets and the other you find at the beach. We are called to be the latter.

     

Secretly, when I’m not too consumed by my manliness, I’ve always allowed my thoughts to be fascinated by the beauty of beach glass. Some have taken to call them sea glass or transparent stones but I see them as a surreal yet natural phenomenon of the beach and its environs. How they came into being; I don’t know. It’s difficult for the mind to conceive the science involved in the drastic transformation from an ordinary piece of glass into a stone of considerable beauty. In fact, the differences between glass by the beach and glass along the street corners may have you question whether they both were products of the same bottle or manufacturing plant.

Consider the effects of the first kind. Pieces of broken glass are generally regarded as a nuisance  that people generally want to get rid of. They’re usually a by-product of juvenile delinquency, an ostentatious display of gang violence, a car accident or even a mere slip of the fingers. Oh and let's not forget those sharp edges which make them very dangerous on barefoot grounds and to vehicle/bicycle tires. If that isn't enough, it is also no secret that we hate cleaning it up because it requires a great deal of meticulousness to find all the pieces.

Now consider the latter. This is the same piece of broken glass yet it is the most sought after souvenir by beach goers all over the world. It is the same glass that you can find today being sold on eBay for hundreds of US dollars; the same glass that some people are using to make jewelry and the same glass that others are collecting in large numbers for the purpose of decorating their homes. The once undesirable piece of nuisance has become a desirable symbol of beauty. And to what do we owe the difference? The answer is found at the beach:

                                   The place where the sea and the land meet
                                   And the earth sinks gently beneath our feet;        
                                   The one place that remedies us fast;
                                   A natural recycling plant of unwanted pieces of broken glass

The change is nothing short of amazing. The jagged knives of its margins have been made smooth and its protuberances flattened. It can no longer be toyed with or broken because its fragile core has been hardened. I thus pardon myself for calling it beach glass because it is destitute of the old characteristics of glass. If any glass is in the beach, it is a new creation; old things have passed away and behold, all things have become new. It sits in the sand triumphantly as a transparent stone of a remarkable color and substance. What a metamorphosis!

There should therefore be a clear distinction between the old glass and the new, like the unbeliever of Christ and the believer; no blurred margins or periods of uncertainty. So whether close or distant, people who come into contact with any Christian should bear no difficulty in determining what type of glass he or she is.

The beach in all its glory is the church of Jesus Christ and its natural elements: the sea, sand and the wind represent the changing power and presence of the Spirit of God. How the broken glass gets to the beach is no puzzle too hard to fathom. Those who come to the beach or travel by sea bring them along and they somehow get broken during the excursion. The pieces are left on sand or carried to the shore, not forgetting the local rivers and streams which carry them along with other debris to the sea. Similarly, unbelievers are invited or taken to church and miraculously their hardened hearts get broken by the Holy Spirit. Christ at that instant becomes their Savior and they cling on to him for dear life, remembering the pits that they came from. Time in Word and the study of it cultivates the new man or woman and the longer he or she stays entrenched in the natural agents which take effect on the beach, the more he or she will be likely to change.

The Christian no longer cuts and scars with the sharp edges of his tongue and becomes gentle and safe to be around. He resigns from being the host of negative energy and picks up a torch of cheerful optimism which lights his path as well as the particles of sand all over his body. Some ask rhetorically if he were taken from the beach and he answers, “Yes” and now every where he goes, they inquire which beach he came from. He is a rare beauty; the likes of which their eyes hadn’t seen before.

There are those onlookers however, who won't be impressed simply because the last time they were at the beach they stepped on a broken piece of glass and got cut. The truth is that in as much as these gorgeous stones exists on the beach, there are also those who by ignorance sheltered themselves from the powerful and changing effects of the sea and the wind. The end result was an unchanged, ordinary piece of glass by the beach.

Others still not convinced, would watch over a magnifying glass to test the authenticity of this new stone. They discussed whether his love was with or without dissimulation and if his colors and origin were true. But he remained focused and would not give in to their snares. His edges weren't perfect but he lived a life worthy of honor and praise and always gave the thanks and glory to the beach and the creator of it, for which it was due. People far and wide sought after him for all kinds of reasons: some for show and others for personal gain; but he would stay true to the beach.

Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation; old things are passed away and behold, all things have become new. He sits in the church triumphantly as a transparent stone of a remarkable color and substance, impenetrable and unmovable by the world, the flesh and the devil. What a metamorphosis!

By Valentine Dantes

The Moral Case for Sex After Marriage

If you haven't read the article by Jill Filipovic on "The moral case for sex before marriage" then you might probably want to check it out on the guardian.co.uk or from the link below before reading this one: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/sep/24/moral-case-for-sex-before-marriage?INTCMP=SRCH

The Bible says that "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Perhaps an even more difficult scenario than these two, is to find an objective journalist who writes articles on issues of morality. So what makes an article objective you might ask? It is when an author puts both arguments on the table and scrutinizes one against the other before coming to a conclusion. It doesn't omit the other side of the argument as this one does so well but allows the reader to be a part of the analytical reasoning or process behind it. Anything short of that would be just a bias representation of the author's personal belief system and convictions and that's what I felt the above article was. If for some reason however, the title of this article doesn't give away my position on the subject, allow me to clarify by saying that I am pro-abstinence and my reason for being is not because I belong to the religious community; it's because I have carefully weighed both sides of the argument. This here is your opportunity to do the same. Now...to the batmobile

The Majority is Right 
The first major point that the author made for the case for sex before marriage was none other than...(rolling drums) nearly everyone is doing it. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot before you actually go out to battle. My enthusiasm for the article dispersed instantly as if it had just seen a ghost and my brain started telling my right hand to drag the mouse over the x and click on it. Two sentences lower down however, I was able to glimpse at the words, "—just because lots of people do a thing doesn't mean it's a good thing" and I felt like the electricity came back on. For all the years that I've been doing argumentative writing, this was the first time that I had ever seen or heard someone knowingly refute their own point and seem so nonchalant about it. I was intrigued all over again. 

Sex Is Not a Bad Thing
The positive side effects of an active sex life became the next major point, and according to the article: "People with active sex lives live longer." It goes on to state that, "Sex releases stress, boosts immunities, helps you sleep and is heart-healthy" and just to show how fair I am, I will even throw in something extra—sex is also a good form of exercise. But the big question here is: do most puritans or believers in abstinence disagree with that? The words and tone of the article seem to assume that puritans have an issue with sex and that they don't understand how important or fulfilling it is for the individual and his or her relational development. But it can be argued that it's because they understand how important it is, they are advocating marriage first so I didn't quite understand the correlation there. I've never heard teachings from any pastor or religious person asserting that sex is a bad thing or is an unclean practice. The context that is challenged and remains to be: is when it's done outside of marriage.

Marriage is Not a Safe Haven
So what is it about the context of marriage that makes sex more appealing for some? Ms. Filipovic asserts that marriage is not, and has never been, a way to protect against the harmful, bad and dangerous potential of sex. I would be a hypocrite to deny or ignore that the author has a point there. A married couple can have a horrible sex life and the legal document they share cannot protect them from infidelity, pregnancy, heartache or acquiring sexually transmitted diseases either. Many couples go into marriage clueless about sex and clueless about life but can't the same be said for those who are not interested in waiting till marriage who enter into relationships? And if educating young people to practice responsible, ethical and consensual sex is a solution to teenage pregnancy, abortions, rape, heartache etc. why can't these same principles be applied to young couples waiting to be married? I don't see any reason why the two cannot co-exist here. You can advocate abstinence but still educate young people on how to take the necessary precautions to protect the physical and mental health of themselves and their partners which would come in handy after marriage or in the event that they indulge prior to. Teaching someone about driving (the mechanics of the vehicle, road signs, precautions, the best way to change gears etc) doesn't strip them of the choice or desire for waiting till they get their license first before hitting the road. Granted, it could be more tempting but the understanding of the potential consequences involved will indicate that driving is far better and safer after you get a license. Now can a driver's license protect you from a vehicle accident, a bad alternator or flat tire? Of course not...but the consequences of an accident would be far graver without it than the "ponies and rainbows" that one might experience before.

In Feb 2010 in the US, there was new research conducted that utilized this same idea of incorporating the message of abstinence with education, and according to the results, it actually worked. Researchers followed the sixth and seventh graders in separate groups. In one, the focus was abstinence; in the other, they taught contraception and safe sex. Two years later, they talked to the kids again and half the students learning about safe sex were now having sex, while only a third in the group focused on abstinence were engaged in sex. "I think this is a game-changing piece of evidence," says Sarah Brown of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Unplanned Pregnancy." See: ABC World News with Diane Sawyer: http://abcnews.go.com/WN/study-abstinence-works/story?id=9731048#.UGF4hoYQfAg )

The concept that prevention is better than cure may seem trivial to some but it does carry some heavy metal into this argument and I don't think it can be undermined or dented by the statement: "—nearly everyone has sex before marriage." The fact that most people are doing it however, does pose a very interesting question: why is the majority falling within the cracks of the high calling of abstinence or purity? I thought Ms. Filipovic hit the nail on the head when she said (paraphrasing) that the taboo of sex before marriage has created a reluctance on society as a whole to speak openly about the pleasures and issues of sex. Now while she's right in establishing that this is part of the problem, I think she is equally wrong in assuming that the solution is getting rid of abstinence all together. Campaign programs by government and churches encouraging single couples and families to have open conversations about sex can help resolve the issue overtime without dismissing the goal of waiting for marriage. Why throw away the furniture when you can simply re-adjust it to pass through the door?

Early Marriage and High Divorce Rates:
In the Eastern countries, where early marriages are more predominant and the families are more involved, the divorce rate is recorded as the lowest in the world and those statistics are not inclusive of the extreme or/and abusive cases. Ms. Filipovic says that "...people who marry early and/or hold traditional views on marriage and gender tend to have higher divorce rates and unhappier marriages." I suppose we should count the Eastern countries out of this generalization since they clearly disprove this claim. Now though I cannot deny the truth of those really horrible divorce statistics in the West, I am a bit curious as to how Ms. Filipovic established a causal relationship between the high divorce rate and early marriage. The rules of logic teaches us that correlation isn't always equal to causation. So not because A, B and C are in one jar means that C equals the summation of A and B. There is no evidence stated in the article or otherwise to suggest that early marriage is the cause of the high divorce rates. This is a very ticklish topic and we must be very careful how we approach it. Now does early marriage pose a great risk for divorce? Certainly! Low maturity, financial instability and  different views on educational attainment all have the potential to destroy the life of a young marriage. Well, so does one case of infidelity. I have also heard equally solid arguments which pose similar risks for those who marry later. It is too broad of a topic to try to base a theory on in my opinion; especially one where the two components do not have a causal relationship.

Common Misconceptions
It should also be said that many who support the idea of sex before marriage, don't condone teenagers having sex. Their gripe with puritans and the religious community is that they've chosen to place adults in the same circle as teens. Shouldn't an adult have the guilt-free right to choose whom he or she wants to have sex with? It is perhaps the strongest argument made for sex before marriage there is. Ms. Filipovic puts it in these words "—not everyone is going to get married, or even legally can get married.The instruction to wait forever to experience a fundamental human pleasure is pointless and cruel." Though I think she exaggerated on the "forever" part, I do understand the point being made here. There are some people in churches who have waited for decades to find a partner and are not sure if they ever will. It's a tall glass to drink from and certainly requires a lot of discipline and faith. I spoke to one of the elderly ladies at church recently and asked her how she felt about her waiting and she responded, "If the purpose of sex is to physically, emotionally and spiritually join two people who have committed to each other, why should I do it with a man who hasn't committed to me yet? So until I find him or he finds me, I'm going to wait." It wasn't the type of response that I had expected. Something to the extent of "God said it, so I am trusting Him" was usually the song that played on that particular station but her answer through a curve ball at me. She saw a relationship between sex and commitment and didn't fancy the idea of having one without the other. As interesting as her theory sounds however, I cannot help but wonder if marriage is the only true manifestation of commitment there is. Can't a couple commit without getting married and if the answer is yes, the bigger question is: why would they not want to get married if marriage is the highest level of commitment there is. Think about it; it involves not just a verbal, spiritual or social contract but one tied in with the law...talk about putting your legal right where your mouth is.

I should also take this time to clear up a misconception that sexual liberals have towards conservatives. Ms. Filipovic asserts further down in her article that "Purity peddlers construct a false universe where there are pure virgins who wait until marriage, and then there are slutty whores who are going home with different men every night of the week." This is clearly an extreme position which doesn't accurately reflect the general position of those who believe in abstinence or purity. That's like saying that all feminists hate men and the idea of family. The drive behind the campaign for abstinence isn't dogmatic for everyone who believes it. It may be dogmatic for those who are members of religions who are subjected to follow the teachings of their faith, but for others, it is merely a case of what they believe is the better decision.

The Argument over Sexual Incompatibility:
There is an old adage which tells women that men won't buy the cow if they can get the milk for free and the first article addresses that. I am not sure if i agree with it completely but Ms. Filipovic was able to deliver a good counter: "—if I'm buying a cow, you can bet I'm going to make sure the milk is to my liking." I've often heard something similar about taking a vehicle for a test drive before you buy it and I must admit that on the surface, this argument does have some clout. Picturing your glorious wedding night being marred by horrible sex can be quite an encouraging argument for the advocates of sex before marriage. But after spending some time contemplating the logic of it, as I do with most things, I have determined that this is actually a shallow and idiotic retort to a deeper and more complex subject of sexual compatibility.

The taste of a cow's milk is highly unlikely to change over time but sex is no milk and your spouse is no cow: they both can change. The desire for sex can vary based on moods, emotions, temperaments and what's going on at the time. Most couples will attest that there are days when the sex is out of this world and there are days when the sex is just...well; sex. In addition, sexual compatibility isn't something that is written in stone as some would have us to believe. With the right tools and conversations, it can improve and gradually change from a deathly pond to an orgasmic spring as long as both parties are willing to be open about it and put in the work. Of course, this is easier said than done but I neither see it as a deal breaker or a necessary element for a great marriage. The importance of sex in a relationship is seldom an issue of compatibility but more often an issue of love: consideration to think of your partner's needs, kindness to do it when you're not in the mood and openness to be able to share and express what works and doesn't work. The idea that sexual incompatibility, on its own, is sufficient to destroy a relationship is just as ridiculous as the idea that sexual compatibility will make a bad relationship good. People who jump on this bandwagon are lackadaisically trading their reasoning in exchange for a quote that supports their moral preference. The potential negative effects of sex outside of marriage far outweighs that of a sexually incompatible married couple.

'Sex Makes you Stupid? '
One of the strongest arguments for sex within the confinement of marriage is not based on a moral or physical  principle as most people tend to believe. Sex is a very powerful emotional and psychological tool as well. Secondary to procreation, it's greatest purpose is to glue people together by acting like a reset button in the relationship. I am by no means asserting that sex has the power to make our bad situations or problems magically disappear but it performs a convincing job of bringing down our guard and reducing relationship tensions which psychologically and emotionally produces a sense of security that may not necessarily be there. It cannot make a bad relationship good but it can surely prolong it. Ever wonder why it becomes very difficult for people to detach themselves from relationships that they know are hurtful and unproductive? It isn't always just the fear of being alone. There are many other reasons for this too but sex is and should be included as one of them. Years ago I used to think that this was a phenomenon that took place with just girls upon losing their virginity but boy was I wrong. This is a very real thing that happens to everybody. Now as a male, I struggled with accepting this idea simply because on the surface it appears to go against the animal (dog) nature of most men but this isn't about a one time event. As long as a man stays clear of a consistent sexual relationship he is not susceptible to the effect. Over time however, if he's having sex consistently with the same person, it can cloud his vision and make it difficult for him to make a decision that seems obvious from the vantage point of any outsider.If the couple is married on the other hand, the effect is more positive.

Mark Gungor, national marriage speaker and creator of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage refers to it this way: "Sex makes you stupid." In one of his latest articles he writes: 'This same phenomenon that makes men and women dumber than bricks when it comes to making the right decisions in premarital or extra-marital relationships, has extreme power when the sex is according to God's plan. The very same idea that "sex clouds your vision" is wonderful and necessary in marriage. God has created sex to have this kind of effect so we can forget and overlook the faults and missteps, the offenses and transgression and forgive our spouse. It's like a drug you can get a hit of that gives you selective amnesia. It's also another reason why married people need to be having regular sex...so they can get a little clouded vision to overlook the everyday annoyances like toilet seats and toothpaste caps and sometimes the way bigger things that need to be forgiven. We should be "dumb" to those kinds of things.' (http://blogs.christianpost.com/marriage/sex-makes-you-stupid-1719/ )


Closing Arguments
Ms. Filipovic concludes her discourse by stating that her point isn't that everyone should have sex before marriage – people should determine for themselves when they are ready to have sex. She, like many others, accuse 'purity peddlers' of bullying society into conforming to a system that is based on religious and anti-feminist values yet she doesn't see that this article is hypocritically an example of the very same type of bullying. Being sexually pure has been the antiquated norm in western culture for decades now and those kids in schools brave enough to declare that they're virgins or plan on being so until marriage are ostracized and mocked daily because of it. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. But when it boils down to it, the reality is that not everyone is at a stage of maturity to determine when is the right time to have sex and I am not referring to just the adolescent nation. Sex is an amazing tool but a very delicate and dangerous one: the slightest miscalculation can result in utter disaster for all those who wield it. Whilst it's evident that marriage by itself cannot protect a couple from heartache, pregnancy or infidelity, as these things can occur in some of the best marriages, it does provide a better safety net legally and emotionally to handle some of the residue. I am not so much a puritan to call abstinence a perfect practice but I've yet to see how "engage at your own will" is better.

Written by
Valentine Dantes 

The Prime Minister's Address and Christianity

                          The Prime Minister’s Address and Christianity

                                               (June 09, 2008)

The month of May was a very crucial time for St. Lucians on and off island, as word spread quickly over land and sea that we may soon be facing a political unrest. The UWP administration under the head of the late Hon.Sir John Compton was victorious and winning by a landslide in the recent election. However, whilst the people were ebullient with great anticipation for the political changes that were to be made, the new Prime Minister of St. Lucia and leader of the winning party fell ill and died. Everything began to go downhill there on. His demise gave birth to a vicious plague of confusion that relentlessly ate its way through the stability of the new government, beginning with the late Hon. Sir John’s decision to make Minister Stephenson King his candidate to succession. 

The timing could not have been any worse: the people were in a financial state of panic due to the increase in oil prices and it's domino effect on all household goods. The threat of an increase in criminal activity from the disappearing (strike) action of The Royal St. Lucian Police Force was like someone rubbing salt on a nasty flesh wound and ultimately, the concerns of citizens began to grow heavy on the present government. But where one saw distress another saw opportunity and the opposition party, no doubt, had smelt blood. They quickly held public meetings in an effort to convince the people to pressure the current administration to go back to the polls. Talk show hosts on both radio and television inadvertently aided their cause by disseminating the doom and gloom message and providing a forum for all St. Lucians to cast blame and make demands for immediate intervention, restoration and reassurance from the current administration. Unfortunately, a rapid response was not possible as the UWP administration had their hands fully preoccupied, fanning the flames of friendly fire inside the walls of parliament.

The term friendly fire is a commonly used military term when weapon fire coming from one’s own side was responsible for accidental injury or death of one’s own forces. It may be better understood when a football player inadvertently scores a goal against his own team’s goalkeeper. And such was the case with the current administration. What was the fire about the reader may ask? I dare not open that door for fear that its contents abduct me from the main purpose of this article. Thus the more pertinent question is, “What on earth has all this to do with Christianity?”  

The key to the answer lies in the speech of the then Prime Minister,  Hon. Stephenson King, in response to the political disorder. The speech was well-written, apologetic in nature and sincere as he made no attempt to masquerade the inner turmoil that was governing his government. The tall, dark and bulky figure of a man wearing an extravagant blue suit, stared the camera in the face humbly that evening and admitted that his administration had made a few mistakes, not neglecting to explain how some of them came into being. But the integrity of the man in my opinion, was fully unmasked at the point when he proclaimed to the nation that a great deal of time had been wasted dealing with his administration’s issues. He went on to reassure the public that those issues had been resolved, (due to the resignation of a certain member of cabinet) and they were now ready to deal with the negative circumstances affecting the nation at hand. More importantly, the captain of our ship seemed happy and relieved to inform the public that the storm had passed and the skies would soon begin to clear up.

"Thank God it's over," I thought to myself, but as I made my way down to church that morning, to my greatest horror and surprise, I was confronted by the same fire. It wasn't the UWP administration burning this time but the church. I would learn later that there had been a friendly fire in Christendom for decades and it needs to be put out in order for Christianity to have any huge impact in this nation or any other. Many great men of God such as Charles H Spurgeon and Billy Graham had stepped up to such a flame by holding on to the one doctrine that all Christendom had in common, "Jesus Christ and him crucified" and it resulted in a great deal of work being accomplished for the kingdom of God. For a short while, it even appeared that the fire was slowly waning but when these two died, some of their influence inevitably died with them. And so the flame still stands as a mighty force against the people of God.

I beg the reader to forgive me for staying afloat this long presenting my thesis. I will now begin to dive into the depths of my true concerns. I recall since my youth, I’ve always wondered why there were so many different churches proclaiming the same God or why it seemed as if every church ever so clearly campaigned that theirs is the right one or the closest to the truth. In most countries there was a clear distinction between church and state except during a calamity or national crisis when prayer formed the bridge between the mighty gap. But the church, way back from medieval times hitherto, has always been head on involved in politics, and by this I’m not referring to pastors and priests admonishing their congregations to vote. The church has been involved in its own politics and their political campaigns in some cases are no better than the various administrations running for government in this contemporary age. They compete for members like electoral administrations compete for votes, they feed on the weaknesses of other churches similar to how the opposition reacted during the recent crisis of the UWP in office, they vitiate each other’s work with unloving, disparaging criticisms and try to make proselytes of each other when there is clearly one conversion of salvation-through Jesus Christ. “…A division between church and state?”  I beg to differ.

It is shameful that some Christians, including myself, have felt more at ease proclaiming our faith to unbelievers than to our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith. Can you try to empathize with the discomfort and bitterness that one may feel when approached by another believer, supposedly a brother or sister, who says something like, “Oh, you’re going to that church? Hmm. That’s not the true church my friend. You need to come to ours where the Spirit of God truly dwells.” Why must Pentecostals speak that way about the Roman Catholics? Why must the Seventh-Day Adventists speak that way about the Pentecostals? Why must the Baptists speak that way about the Adventists? And why must the Church of God’s speak that way about any church? How would you feel if someone callously tells you that your church is the wrong church? And let’s just say for argument sake that there is a great deal of practices occurring in a particular church that is not congruent with the teachings of the Bible, with an approach like that, you’d be better off selling insurance if you expect to win a convert. Thus, it is quite understandable why some people would just prefer to stay at home instead of be a part of what appears to be a friendly fire in the Church of Christ. And we Christians often wonder why the effectiveness of the church in this century is handicapped. “Every house divided against itself will not stand,” were the words of Christ himself (Matt 12:25). 

The Spirit of God is yet to be untapped because the people of God are too busy fighting each other. Some are fighting in the sense of winning a competition and others are fighting because pride and self-righteousness have infiltrated their hearts. One will be busy diluting the word of God and transforming the House of God into an entertainment center or a club house to keep the attendance figures high  whilst the other; would make it their goal when preaching to prove to everybody else that they’re the closest to the truth by focusing on the faults of the other churches. An increase in knowledge without the balance of love always produces a pharisaic hippie— someone who thinks that they’re certainly holier than thou. Ultimately, none is better than the other; they both stink in the nostrils of God. 

Now, under no circumstances am I implying that the doctrinal foundations of all denominations are correct or true. If that were the case, there would be no fire to begin with. The truth is that there are as many false doctrines as there are proper and lucid ones, not excluding the obscure ones which are open to various interpretations. And that’s where the heart of problem lies. It is on this very basis that Protestantism evolved from Roman Catholicism. A different interpretation to a particular doctrine or doctrines led to men and women of God leaving a particular church or denomination and thus establishing their own or joining another. This is why we have so many different denominations, some of them differing by one doctrine and others by a variety. And I dare not say that their incongruity is trivial, when in fact it may actually draw the line between what is defined as a church and a cult. Nevertheless, I don't think it is God's will for us to be waging war on other people's faith in such a cold and abrasive manner. We ought to be waging war on the doctrine or error of teaching itself and leave it up to the individuals to connect the dots without insulting their belief system. That’s the more effective and better way-through love. After all, what have we gained over all these years in breeding an antagonistic spirit amongst each other? More converts? I most certainly think not. We all are united under the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (most of us that is) and if that’s the only doctrine we can agree on for the time; then so be it. Here is what Charles H Spurgeon had on say on the issue: “Error is always mingled with truth received. Let us war with the error but love the brother or sister for the measure of truth in them.”

Some ministers need to understand that sinners are not saved through the preaching of doctrine. I am by no means, relinquishing its importance but the average man does not care about the doctrine of predestination as the Baptists do. The average sinner doesn’t care about the doctrine of keeping the seventh day holy as the Adventists do. In fact, it is a hindrance to him. The average sinner doesn’t care about confessing to priests and praying to saints as the Catholics do. He doesn’t care that Yahweh is the proper name for God or that true worship only involves singing hymns without the use of musical instruments as many non-denominational churches do. He certainly doesn’t care whether it’s leavened or unleavened bread which is used at the Lord’s table or whether he gets baptized in the sea, a water tank or via mere sprinkle of water on the head. The average sinner cares only about the state of his soul and the only thing, person, being or doctrine which can save his soul is Christ Jesus and His gospel. “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,” says Paul (Rom 1:16), “for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone that believeth.” The teaching of various biblical doctrines will come after as the believer seeks after God in search of more truth; but not before. The helmet of salvation must be put on first before he or she can join the battle.

I pray sanguinely for the day that we,  who eat of the body and drink of the blood of Jesus Christ in faith and remembrance, may come together and like the Hon. Stephenson King, admit that much time has been wasted fighting amongst each other and refocus all our efforts on the real enemy: the world, the flesh and the devil, the best way we were taught how - the preaching of the gospel.

                                                                                                                     Written by

                                                                                                                    Valentine Dantes

How Do I know that He's Cheating?

Your significant other is cheating or capable of cheating if he is guilty of one or more than one of five scenarios below.

1>One
If he’s in the bathroom and his phone rings and he almost breaks the sliding/bathroom door to run outside to get it. This doesn't suggest that he's a cheater but it does pose a very interesting question: “Why just not ask you to get it for him?” Wouldn’t that be much easier than wetting the house and possibly damaging the phone with his wet hands?

2>Two
If he has a very close female friend that he has never introduced you to or invited you out with. The idea of men and women being close friends is already a difficult one to grasp and execute yet alone manage with a girlfriend or wife involved. And if the girl is indeed a friend who will be spending some alone time with your spouse, then she ought to be introduced to you as a means of accountability and transparency. The significant other is also the priority in any such relationship and no man should choose to go out with a female friend without inviting his spouse along or the spouse giving her approval if indeed she chooses not to go.

3>Three
If he is generally very secretive about his passwords for his phone, social networks, emails etc. Passwords are necessary to prevent snoopers in general from trying to mind your business but transparency is even more necessary when it comes to relationships because it builds TRUST and without trust, a relationship cannot survive. This doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have a password or lock, it just means that he shouldn’t be trying to keep or hide it from you. Leaving your phone in your girl’s possession says that “I am comfortable with you seeing any message that comes through on there, I don’t have anything to hide and I don’t mind if you answer my phone because there is no one else. “ This one also applies to girls as well.

4>Four
If he never wants to go out with you in public. Men tend to show their love by protection, provision and profession and for this point we will be focusing on the profession aspect of it. A man in love, will want to climb the roof top and profess it to the world. The Bible says that the woman is the glory of man (Cor 11:7) and an excellent wife is the crown of her husband (Prov 12:4) He won’t hide her from facebook, his friends or his family as long as he loves her. That’s why it is said that if a guy brings a girl home to his mom then you know it’s serious. So if he isn’t trying to be seen with you, then perhaps you’re not that important.

5>Five
If he flirts around with every pretty woman he meets in your absence. A man will always be attracted to other women…deal with it. But the way he behaves with them will determine what kind of man he is. And though men who flirt a lot are not necessarily cheaters, flirting with an attractive woman is a dangerous cage that he can get trapped in especially if that girl decides to flirt right back. A good man notices but stays far away from trouble or anything that might get him in trouble. How does he behave in your absence with the opposite sex? Are his actions questionable? Is he a big flirt? Ask your (female)friends. They may be able to tell you.

Noo!! I Just Got Friend-zoned. Help!!!

Have you ever got friend-zoned? If you’re reading this and you’re a girl, then chances are that you haven’t, because you’re probably the one doing the friend-zoning :-). This is a man’s issue ladies, his worst nightmare and probably the place of his greatest discomfort. Guys, I think you know what I mean but for the benefit of some: it is the awkward moment when a (single or available) girl stops and/or redirects the advances of her guy friend, making him painfully aware that she is not interested in anything more than friendship. This occurrence doesn’t just take place with men I should add. Women get friend-zoned too but the term is more well-known with males.

Marlon: “Jen, we’ve been friends for almost five years and I’ve loved you for all five of them. I know you like the back of my hand: every expression, every emotion and you do the same with me. I’ve held back too long now and watched you let these fools break your heart over and over again. Please give me this chance let me love you and be with you like we’re supposed to be.”

Jennifer: “I do love you Marlon but I don’t want a relationship to get between what we have right now. I’m sorry, but I just want to be friends. I hope you understand.”

Not all friend-zoning rituals follow the example of the one above but they all share the same familiar pattern and outcome: guy advances, guy gets shot down, girl just wants to be friends. So why was this guy good enough to be a close friend but not good enough to be a prospect? That I believe is the million dollar question right there but what is most unfortunate about it is that in most of those scenarios, the girls seldom truthfully give the answer. Why can’t people just be honest about how they feel?  The truth may hurt but it can liberate the soul. It is the only way to not perpetuate the same mistakes over and over again. But this stops now. To the guy who was never told why he wasn’t good enough and the girl who didn’t know how to articulate it so that he would understand; I hope you find closure in this article. 

 

Physical appearance has a huge role to play in a man's dive into the friend-zone and it is definitely inclusive of body language. It is the initial and critical stage of attraction, i.e. how a woman perceives a man without him opening his mouth, and isn't to be taken lightly. What type of impression does your appearance and body language communicate to the opposite sex? The two must always work hand in hand. Where your physical appearance may be lacking, your body language should be able to pick up the slack. Do bear in mind though, that there are some things that women can overlook when it comes to physical appearance such as height, whilst others cannot or choose not to. Don’t beat yourself up if you're bald and she isn't into bald men. One woman’s loss is another woman’s gain. Keeping yourself neat and fresh, having good fashion sense and wearing a light but sweet scented cologne will certainly help enhance your physical appearance. It doesn’t however, guarantee you entry into the relationship zone. Many men have passed the attraction test but still find themselves being dumped into the friend-zone. This is where it gets a little more complicated.

We often get the  idea that women don’t know what they want when it comes to a mate and it appears that there is some truth to that. If you ask the average woman to describe her ideal husband, she would probably describe another woman: “He must be gentle, sensitive, affectionate, someone who likes to talk and express his emotions.” What’s even more ironic is that those same women hardly go for men who fit that profile. You would be surprised; these are the same men who actually get friend-zoned lol. So why do they say one thing and do something else? It may sound hypocritical but I can assure you that it’s not. When women list the qualities that they find attractive or desirable about men they either dabble around their emotional needs or stick to the man's physical attributes. There is a middle ground however, that you seldom hear about that is arguably more important than other two when it comes to determining her level of romantic interest. And this is where most of us men fall between the cracks.

As a man in the friend-zone or did some time there, you need to ask yourself, “What is it about me that prevents her from wanting more?” 

Does she like you? 

Of course she does. The two of you couldn’t be so close if she didn’t. 

Does she trust you? 

She tells you everything including when she meets someone else (lol) so I’d say yes.

Aren’t you kind, gentle  and sensitive when it comes to her emotions and stuff?  

She says that you’re one of the sweetest and most understanding men she has ever come across. 

Does she find you attractive? 

She has admitted that you’re extremely cute.   

Have the two of you ever kissed? 

You were probably fortunate enough to land a kiss or two without her pushing you off. 

So what is it!!!! Such is the frustrations of the ‘nice guy.’ To help me understand this better, I had to take a careful look at the guys she frequently chose over me. (Did I just say that? Damn. Ok I guess the cat is out the bag now lol.) And in doing so I realized a similarity. Yes, they were all a bunch of jackasses from my vantage point but from hers, what I believe she saw were confident, assertive, adventurous, dangerously fun and unpredictable. Those guys may have been A-holes overall but they certainly had some positive traits.

One girl explained it to me this way, “I need a man to take charge and make stuff happen especially when I am being difficult and moody. I don’t want someone that will do everything I ask or say.” You don’t normally hear that when a woman is listing her top five emotional needs in a relationship. Of all those listed above, I’d say that this one carries the most weight and can solely determine whether you stay in the friend-zone or not. You have to be able to say no to some of her requests and reduce your availability as well. People are drawn to people who love life; not people who seem like you’re their only ticket to a life. Let her call you whilst you’re out with your other friends having fun. Go out on dates and then tell her about all the fun you had (fun that she will imagine she could have been having with you.) That’s certainly more contagious than, “Hey what you are up to? Nothing much.” Confidence is also pretty high up there and many guys remain stuck in the friend-zone because they lack confidence to step up and do something about it. Others have too much confidence or arrogance and don’t get to pass go or collect $200. It’s straight to the jail of friendship. The average ‘nice guy’ presents a boring, predictable image and most girls want to have fun. If a nice guy is funny but lacks everything else, he still has a chance of laughing his way out of the friend-zone. Such is the power of the attraction of humor but for the others, the future doesn’t look so bright.

In a nutshell, these are the reasons you would see good girls dating bad guys or the occasional good girl with a nice (funny) guy. Those nice guys who fall in the middle, like you and me, must be able to adapt and adopt some of the traits of our competition in order to make that liberating and lasting impression we need to step out of the friend-zone.